64. The final photoshoot
I dreaded this.....
Fortunately I had the divine Jess Lynch with me who just glowed in her incredible mermaid gown. Her nurturing and kind soul along with D's omnipotent presence helped me get through it.
I started working in the fashion industry when I was 14, and was a working model for a good 10 years of my life from there, only stopping completely when I was pushing 30. Not going to lie, it screwed with my feeling of self worth and value. was pretty hard to do this photoshoot, as a size 16 woman - mother of 2, after not being in front of a camera since I was a "perfect" size 10 valued soley for my aesthetic self.
What is the worth of a woman....
This process has confronted so so many of the demons my earlier life were fraught with. There have been many a wound to confront and heal, and it's been super super raw, and tough. And personal. Shit went down in the 90's fashion industry in NZ that was so not ok. But, one was expected to just suck it up and deal with it. Looking back, - these were big "Me Too" moments I endured, as did so many other women in that industry. I am not up for re-victimising myself in the face of this project, but I will say that this has been a really tough go.
Thats all I gotta say. This is not a pity party team! Bigger stories to tell.