A Master's investigation after dark times
In late 2019 it became very apparent that after 3 corporate jobs in a row since my children were teeny tiny that I was becoming increasingly depressed. I was literally an emotional wreck. Anyone who knows me well would agree that I am exceptionally empathetic, a personality trait that is over exemplified if tired and run down, which was the general norm when juggling a full week of work, children, childcare and all that comes with it! I had lost myself, lost faith in the world, and more importantly, was not maintaining my practice. I was disconnected from my art, meditation, yoga/exercise, and nature time. I was not in tune with the maintaining factors that were the tiller.
So I left! I didn't want to get to 50 and wish I had gone back to school and manifested the artworks that plague my dreams. It was time.
And so! That time just happened to be one week before lockdown 2020! Who knew! I was in, a 42-year-old Zooming lectures and full-time study throughout New Zealand's COVID19 crises and I couldn't have been more delighted. Could not have chosen a better time to write essays again for the first time in 20 years! It was super hard, but like anything that is tough, I learnt a hell of a lot and am so so grateful for every damn piece of it.
However I was about to have the carpet ripped out from below my feet, everything I thought I was as an artist was about to be destabilised and a stripping back was about to create a monster of an introverted extrovert who seriously for lack of a better description was over complying with the pressures of the world and its room of requirements, and ready to go gangbusters on WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!!